Education Integration...No Easy Answers

With school starting next week, my thoughts turn to education, and more specifically, how Sam is best educated.  There continues to be much debate on how to integrate kids with special needs into the general education classroom.  It is such a complicated thing. On paper inclusion sounds like it should just happen. It’s good for all kids, right? The special needs kids want to be with typical kids, and the typical kids can learn from the special needs kids, how to be compassionate, how different is not scary, how all kids have gifts to share. But what is the reality of it all? I can only speak for Sam, and maybe I shouldn’t even speak for him. (As you can tell from the photo, the kid marches to his own drummer!)  But I will try to be his voice. Sam doesn’t care about inclusion. Sam’s autism is most severe in his social abilities. So it is really hard for him to be around kids who talk fast, play in complicated ways, and expect him to keep up. Sam has trouble with spontaneity, changing gears from one activity to the next, and this is how most kids play. In academics, he is reading at a 2nd or 3rd grade level. He can’t do multiplication, doesn’t understand fractions, and does not understand the word history, no less comprehend that Indiana has a history. We are still working on basic learning, teaching functional skills that will help him to live a more independent life as an adult. I have no time for formalities, and I am past really caring if he is included, unless it works for Sam. He seems happiest in his special ed. class where there are only about 9 kids and they all know him well. They have space to move around, know their schedule and know what is expected of them. When Sam is in his comfort zone he thrives; he talks more, interacts positively and gets his work done. When he is out of his comfort zone he shuts down, mutters repetitively and lashes out. It is hard for me to push for inclusion for him and almost embarrassing at times that I don’t. Is it my fault I don’t push harder? Am I taking the easy way out? I just want Sam to have a positive experience in school, and to have the best chance to learn and thrive and feel good about himself. When he is in the general ed. classroom, I feel like he loses all his self esteem, feels lost and confused and withdraws inside himself. It is not the utopia of caring and sharing that we’d like to envision when we think of inclusion. It is complicated and messy and like anything else in life, full of gray areas.

That being said, it is evil, hateful and wrong for others to shun special kids and not welcome them into their homes, classrooms and parks. And it trickles down from the parents to the children. Children learn what they live; if they are taught love and acceptance, they will gladly open their worlds to others who don’t look or act like themselves. If they are raised by parents who focus on appearances, getting ahead and self-centered behavior, they will look down on others, have no tolerance or patience, and enjoy hurting others if they get attention for it. Our schools need to work harder to figure out ways to help our kids feel special, to not hide their classrooms in the back corners of the school and have them eat in a group at the corner lunch table. As parents we need to get out there and educate others about our kids; lack of information leads to fear and uncertainty. Information breeds understanding and compassion. We need to be out there at parks, museums, grocery stores, churches, letting our kids be who they are. Yes, they will be looked at, maybe avoided, and it will be hard for us moms to cope with that. But along with that, we might be changing things, a little at a time, and that is a battle worth fighting. It is hard; God knows we have enough on our plates raising our kids without needing to help the rest of the world get with the program. Some moms are warriors and have a take no prisoners attitude; others are softer and choose different battles. We all have to follow our own paths and help our kids follow theirs too.  I walk with Sam on his path, and am both honored and nervous to see where it leads.  At times I would like to borrow that nose/glasses disguise from him as I flub and flounder my way on this journey, but I try to listen to my heart and help him find a balance between permission to be who he is and a challenge to learn from the rest of the world.